SEASON 5 AWARDS

Before we begin yet another season of 24, it’s time to take a quick look back at Season 5 in all its spectacular, unrealistic glory.

BEST EPISODE: 4:00-5:00 PM

This episode finally got the season back on track after hours of mole-digging and plot-twisting. The most interesting thing about this hour was that Jack wasn’t at the center of the action. After ripping through both Spenser, Cummings, and Nathanson, Jack finally locates Christopher Henderson (setting up one of the series’ best characters and story arcs), but the plot was just developing at this point. Rather, it was the terrorists’ attack on the Suvarvos’ motorcade that drove the suspense with a powerful action climax. Unbeknownst to viewers at the time, it also established President Logan’s willingness to cooperate with terrorists. Until this moment, I don’t think many viewers imagined Logan was capable of such evil deception. But this was a thinking man’s episode, as Logan and Novick debated their next moves in an attempt to keep CTU out of the loop. Besides the stunning attack and Aaron Pierce’s saving the day, President Logan’s Nixon-like prayer with Mike was one of the season’s best moments.

WORST EPISODE: 6:00-7:00 PM

Just two hours later, the writers went back to their old tricks, relying on Bierko’s nerve gas attack on a hospital to drive the suspense. But “the attack of the week” structure simply didn’t hold up. Watching Curtis run through the hospital with the nerve gas reminded me of Jack’s run through the elementary school with the virus in Season 3. It just held no suspense whatsoever. And again, Jack was interestingly absent from this plotline, off chasing Henderson and his wife. Let’s hope the writers are able to give this next season a better rhythm.

WRITERS’ BIGGEST REGRET: Killing Off Tony

Killing off Tony Almeida was, by far, the biggest mistake the writers made last year. In killing Tony off, they effectively eliminated four of the show’s main characters in less than 14 hours. President Palmer's assassination drove the season, Michelle’s death added shock, and Edgar’s death was used to amazing emotional effect. But killing off Tony was unnecessary, and it will prove to be a poor decision. As he lay dying in Jack’s arms, his final words were, “She’s gone, Jack,” meant to convey that there’s no reason for him to live now that his wife Michelle is dead. But there is a reason. If the writers decide to kill off Jack prematurely (a very real possibility in the coming two seasons), it would be nice to have one of the show’s original stars around to fill the void. On top of that, Tony wasn’t given a proper death like his CTU co-workers Edgar and George Mason before him – the silent count.

WORST PLOT DISTRACTION: Jacob Rossler

The 1:00-2:00 PM episode briefly derailed the season, featuring Jack and Curtis breaching the apartment of a Russian arms expert named Jacob Rossler. The episode even briefly delved into the Russian sex slave trade. It was at this point that the writers were simply killing time, giving Jack and Curtis another compound to break into before getting to the real plot – Jack’s refuting authority and the chase for the nerve gas.

WORST RED HERRING: Audrey Raines

When Collette Stenger implicates Audrey Raines in the terrorist attacks, you could almost hear every fan let out a collective groan. An obvious decoy from the start, the plot “twist” was simply an excuse for Jack to choke Audrey. After wasting an hour with this garbage, Jack finally forces Collette to reveal that Henderson put her up to it. No shit, sweetheart. Time to move on.

BEST RED HERRING: Vice President Hal Gardner

Up until the last minute of the show’s 16th hour, Jack Bauer, along with the rest of the country, was 100% certain that Vice President Hal Gardner was behind the terrorist attacks of the day. He was just too shifty-eyed with Wayne and too nosy about Logan’s plans. But one of the season’s best episodes led us on right up until the clock struck 11:00, when Evelyn screamed at Jack, "The vice president has nothing to do with this!" President Logan was soon revealed to be the mastermind behind the day’s events.

FUNNIEST LINE:

After CTU is attacked with nerve gas at 7:00, Jack tells Audrey that he feels responsible for putting Kim in danger by bringing her into CTU. Audrey’s response may be the most unintentionally hilarious bit of dialogue ever written.

Audrey: “Jack, there was no way you could have known CTU was vulnerable.”

Right. There’s no way Jack could have known. After all, in the last five years, CTU hasn’t allowed professional hitmen through security … or allowed criminals to escape the medical center … or allowed five moles to work there … or allowed Secret Service to “murder” a federal agent there … or allowed a grieving widow to murder a known terrorist … or been bombed to the ground. No, none of those things have ever happened at CTU. Honestly, who could have known CTU was so vulnerable?

WORST CHARACTER: Barry Landes

Because Chloe’s odd, eccentric ex-husband (who’s sure to play a role in Season 6) showed up only in the final episode, the award goes to Kim’s new psychotherapist boyfriend Barry Landes. From his salt-and-pepper goatee to his whiny voice, this douche bag is the perfect match for Kim in the Nuisance Department. Although who wouldn’t take a shot at Tits McGee? Well done, Barry. Just stay away from the show. Or Jack will kill you.

BEST CALLBACK: Wayne Palmer

Weaving Wayne Palmer back into the plot midway through the season was brilliant. They were able to further develop his character (he served in the military?), but also show him in some bad ass action scenes, something his brother David can now be seen doing weekly on CBS’ crapfest The Unit every Tuesday night!