7:00 AM - 8:00 AM "JACK COVERS HIS OWN ASS-AD"

7:02 Jack avoids being caught in the sewer by Fayed. Lucky for Fayed. That’s one sewer rat Fayed does not want to deal with.

7:03 Morris tells Milo that he really should try not to be such an insensitive prick about Jack “buying the farm.” More importantly, who uses the expression “bought the farm” anymore?

7:04 Jack always finds an abandoned garage and an old Buick with a cell phone in it when he needs one, doesn’t he? He quickly calls the President to tell him that Assad has nothing to do with the attacks. I’ve always been impressed by Jack’s ability to recognize voices quickly. He immediately addresses Karen by name, having no idea that she’s National Security Advisor.

7:07 President Palmer ignores Jack and orders the air strike. Ignoring Jack’s advice is always a good move.

7:08:07 Jack pulls out of the garage.

7:08 Ahmed refuses Scott’s necklace for good luck, replying “You might need it yourself someday.” No, that wasn’t ominous or creepy at all.

7:10:48 Jack arrives at Assad’s compound. In less than 2 minutes and 41 seconds. I guess he got lucky with that L.A. traffic. He infiltrates the property.

7:14 Wouldn’t CTU be tracking the coordinates on their satellite and spot Jack running out the door with Assad as the missiles fired? Just saying …

7:22 We’re introduced to another initially weak plot involving the FBI’s investigation of the Islamic-American Alliance. Turns out Wayne has a sister, Sandra – who’s the organization’s attorney. After she refuses the FBI agents entry to the building, IAA leader Walid Al-Rezani kisses her, thanking her for defending the organization. But he also tells her that he’s willing to do whatever is asked of him. Which can only mean one thing. Walid is a terrorist.

7:24 Curtis informs everyone Assad escaped as ground forces move in.

7:31 Jack always seems to find a family moving with a U-Haul truck and their empty house when he needs one.

7:32 Jack goes into bedroom to get a fresh change of clothes. Chloe finally discovers Jack on satellite – twenty minutes after the air strike. That worked out for Jack pretty well.

7:34 Jack stabs Omar in the shoulder to extract information on Fayed. But then Jack stops because he doesn’t want to hurt him anymore. That pussy … Assad gets the job done, stabbing Omar in the knee. Then he kills him. This Assad dude is aight.

7:36 Jack tells Assad, “I don’t know how to do this anymore.” Assad gives him a friendly terrorist reassurance: “You’ll remember.” What a guy!

7:40 24 is alright, but what I really can’t wait for Tuesday night’s American Idol premiere. Talk about torture! (See, it’s funny because American Idol is so fucking terrible.)

7:42 Sandra fights the FBI over an administrative warrant and then erases all the files in 27 seconds. That’s why they call it “Whatever Technology.” Sandra gets arrested with Walid. The FBI has “orders handed down, and we’re going to follow them.” Could those orders possibly have come from Tom Lennox? (The answer is ‘yes’.)

7:44 Ahmed pulls this season’s Mysterious Terrorist Package out of a wall in his house. But then Scott walks in. Talk about bad timing. Ahmed threatens Scott, telling him that he’s not even a real friend because he constantly mispronounces his name. I have the same problem a lot. Even though I don’t think ‘Johnny’ and ‘Loser’ sound anything alike.

7:50 Surveying the location Omar gave them, Assad is immediately able to point out two men with briefcases on a busy Los Angeles crosswalk and identifies them as terrorists. This guy is pretty good.

7:52 Question: Why does the terrorist get on the last car of the subway? Wouldn’t he do more damage in the middle? Jack follows him onto the train.

7:55 Is this really how Los Angeles takes tickets on the subway now? Don't they just have normal turnstiles like the rest of the country? Isn’t this a little inefficient and old-fashioned? You do that for long trips to different cities or suburbs – not on a subway.

7:56 Wow. Definitely the coolest attack Jack has ever stopped. By the way, is there a terrorist attack in L.A. that the man hasn’t stopped?

7:57 Milo informs Bill of three simultaneous attacks across the country in a Baltimore shopping mall, the L.A. subway – and a Chicago hotel that Wayne Palmer saw on his magic White House TV an hour and a half ago.

CTU learns in less than two minutes that Jack was on the subway.

Chloe then intercepts a call less than a minute after it was made between the handler and Fayed.

Real time. My ass.

7:58 Karen informs Wayne that CTU has intercepted a call implicating Fayed in the attacks.

Wayne delivers the night’s funniest line, as he looks at Karen and says, “So Jack was right. He was right all along …” No shit.

Seriously, when are you ass clowns going to learn that Jack is always right? When was the last time the man was wrong about anything? Have you even watched the last five seasons? Idiots.

7:59 Jack calls Assad as they hunt down Fayed’s man. The funniest action buddy comedy of the season begins!

7:59:58 … 7:59:59 … 8:00:00