9:00 AM – 10:00 AM “DON’T WORRY, CURTIS, I’M SURE IT’S JUST A FLESH WOUND”

9:03 Bill starts yelling at everyone in CTU after they lose their only lead to Fayed. “We have to do better than we’re doing, and we have to do it faster!” Bill’s starting to become unhinged. It’s only a matter of hours before Division sends someone to CTU to take over in a power struggle. Bureaucratic baloney.

9:04 Speaking of bureaucratic bullshit, Morris and Milo need to put their vaginas away and get back to work finding this bomb.

9:07 President Palmer asks Jack to head up the manhunt for Fayed. Welcome home, Jack!

9:08 Jack tells Curtis that there better not be a problem between him and Fayed. Because Jack really is the authority when it comes to taking the law into your own hands and bringing criminals to justice. He never murdered Drazen or Nina or Henderson – in cold blood. No. Not at all.

9:09 Namir arrives at Fayed’s compound – just 10 minutes after escaping the terrorist detention facility! Fayed actually tells him, “I was worried.” Good point, Fayed. I mean, everyone else gets wherever they need to go in 5 minutes on this show now. What took him so fucking long? 10 minutes?? Seriously, didn't he fly his magic jetpack across the city?

9:11 Just like last season, Sean Callery is really bringing his A-game with the music this year. When Jillian Wallace leaves Scott and Ahmed at the house, the music just really kicks in. Badass.

9:19 Morris and Milo keep crossing swords. Oh, we’re finally getting an explanation. Chloe explains that she went on a few dates with Milo, and that Morris is simply insecure about their relationship. Thanks. Seriously, I don’t have the patience for this garbage anymore. So now we have a boring and unappealing love triangle on our hands. So the country’s security is dependent on two losers’ insecurities about a few bad movies Milo and Chloe saw three years ago. Perfect.

9:22 President Palmer, Karen, and Tom meet with the ambassador from Arab Country X. He tells them that he thinks Assad is truly trying to change his ways. Wayne shouts out, “Good enough for us! Let’s give him a pardon!” Whaaaaaaa?

9:26 Peter MacNicol is so good in this role. When debating Sandra about civil liberty violations, he delivers the Line of the Night: “You have a splendid Law Review article there.”

9:28 Walid stumbles onto two plotting terrorists inside the Arab detention camp. So racial profiling and internment camps do work!

9:38 I love how quickly they draw up pardons for terrorists on this show. There must be a cabinet position responsible for just drawing these things up all day. So Assad gets to walk. I bet Curtis won’t like this.

9:48 Chloe has no problems repositioning the satellite to monitor Fayed’s compound. Guess the satellite’s working fine again.

9:50 I must have missed something. How did Sandra get back inside the detention facility to speak with Walid? Wasn’t she kicked out by the FBI?

9:54 Chloe calls Jack and reveals Curtis’ beef with Assad. Apparently three years ago, Assad took Jack to some movies, and Curtis feels threatened by Jack and Assad’s relationship. Or something like that.

9:56 Jack orders Curtis to holster his weapon. Curtis refuses. Jack kills Curtis. Holy shit. Holy shit. Of course, Tony survived the same shot to his jugular three years ago. In fact, he was back up and walking around in just a couple of hours. So I’m sure Curtis will be just …

9:57 Nope, he’s dead.

Jack starts crying and vomiting. Seriously, Jack just needs to kill himself at this point. There’s no other solution. This is just a continuation from the end of Season 3 when he tried to get out of CTU the first time. No amount of therapy could cure this poor bastard. He tells Bill that he’s done. I believe him.

9:58 The team moves in on Fayed’s compound to retrieve the suitcase nuke. Same old 24. They’re just going to stop it like they alwa –

HOLY SHIT.

Speechless.

Did they just set off a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles?

I think they just set off a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles.

So many questions. So many questions. Best 10 minutes of television I’ve seen all year.

9:59:58 … 9:59:59 … 10:00:00