8:00 AM – 9:00 AM “EVERYTHING THAT’S OLD IS NUKE AGAIN”

8:02 Jack sure did find Assad fast. Wasn’t Assad chasing the handler? Did the handler just drive around in circles for 10 minutes? How the hell did Jack run down Assad’s car?

8:03 Bill mentions that hundreds are dead in St. Louis. Don’t remember hearing about that attack. Chicago, Baltimore, and L.A. were just attacked, so St. Louis must have just been hit?

8:04 I’m sorry. I know this has been a staple of the show since Season 4, but when did the President start taking calls from terrorists? When did the United States begin negotiating with terrorists?

8:07 Milo and Morris continue their cat fight. This really needs to stop right now.

8:09 Chloe needs ten minutes to reposition a satellite? Didn’t she and Morris just locate Jack and Fayed in the first hour in about 5 seconds?

8:10 Talk about a “car-Jack-ing.” (Thank you.) This is almost comic relief. Jack always finds some dude leaving for work and getting into his car when he needs to, doesn’t he? He just tells the guy, “Don’t get up.” Yeah, this is all for laughs.

Wait a minute, Jack’s going to cut the handler off through back alleys? I swear Jack has Google Maps hard wired into his cerebrum for all of Los Angeles.

8:11 You’re telling me this terrorist has never even seen a picture of Assad before? And now he’s getting into a car with him, thinking he’s just a good samaritan? Likely story …

8:12 Not to nitpick here, but Jack sure did get lucky with the cell phone he found sitting in that old Buick in the second hour. Seriously, what phone can you patch a call through to CTU? Does my phone patch through to CTU? Does Sprint offer this service?

8:14 Ray seems shocked that Ahmed is a terrorist holding his family hostage. Doesn’t he watch the show?

8:21 Time for some more Morris-Chloe filler. Shoot me now.

8:22 President Palmer looks almost amused when Karen tells him that Jack is tracking a lead with Assad. Just say what you’re thinking, Wayne. “Oh, Jack … that crazy-ass cracka …”

8:25 Jack hops in a car with Curtis. Curtis takes a stab at some awkward conversation.

CURTIS: It’s … good to see you, Jack.
JACK: (Dead silence)
CURTIS: You know, earlier today … when, uh, we left you to be tortured and killed by this terrorist … you know, we didn’t mean it, really …
JACK: (Dead silence)
CURTIS: Please don’t knock me out and drag my lifeless ass onto a sidewalk corner again.

8:31 There’s a sergeant giving one of the prisoners a glance. Which can only mean one thing. He’s a traitor.

8:32 Palmer takes Sandra’s call about civil liberties, privacy issues, etc etc. She’s been arrested and is quickly becoming a thorn in Wayne’s side. She’s definitely this year’s Kim. Only a matter of time before the cougar gets to her.

8:44 Curtis really doesn’t like Assad. This isn’t going to end well.

8:45 The handler blew himself up before Jack and Curtis could get to him. Real shocker there.

8:53 Ray kills the dude with the detonator. This plot is really losing me here. Shameless device to drag an innocent family into the plot. I guess I’ve just seen this too many times before. We’ve covered this ground.

8:58 Great. Laptop shows that we’ve got another nuclear bomb in the city. Nuclear bomb, nuclear warhead, nuclear missile, nuclear power plants … we get it. We’re all going to die unless Jack saves us. Again, these recycled plots are not sitting well with me. I thought we were going in a different direction here.

8:59 The sergeant helps Namir escape. I want to know what this sergeant is getting paid by Fayed to help his cause. Again, really huge shocker. Yawn.

8:59:58 … 8:59:59 … 9:00:00