ADVENTURES IN BUZZED HOTEL LIVE-ISH BLOGGING: 10:00PM - 11:00PM

The following takes place between me getting drunk last night and me going to sleep in my hotel room. In between I went slumming and watched 24 on a non high def, non widescreen, non surround sound setup and decided to type out my thoughts during each commercial break. This was the longest hour of my life.

Note: I am apparently a very bitter drunk. In retrospect I did really like this episode, but all I've done is correct misspellings and delete some of the stupider things. Reading over this frightens me extremely, and you really shouldn't read it unless you have time to kill. And, uh, an open mind.

10:00 - 10:11pm How do you people watch this shit? It's so square and noisy. The TV is flickering every so often. The sound is tinny. Powers Boothe still has a soothing baritone, however. Wayne is still a badass too - get your neocon on mister Prez! Also, Wayne is going to have an awesome scar from this. If he splashes this missile he's a huge pussy, even if he is all jacked up on Mountain Dew. It's going to hit and it's about time someone in the world of 24 said enough is enough and - FUCK HE'S SPLASHING IT. He better make this unknown country his bitch now. Oooh that sneaky fucker, it was a blank! I bet David Palmer's ghost told him to do that. Also, I bet Jack and Ricky could really fuck Fayed up while questioning him. I feel like I'm missing a lot in these close up shots, I need the sides of my screen back. Maybe a sense of pacing is hiding there. Heh, Burke's "pharmaceutical package".

whatever time, I wasn't paying attention and there's no DVR, fuck - 10:22 Wayne realizes that we are already at war and has a touching moment of self discovery. Wayne's hand is all shaky, maybe he needs his brother's old doctor woman to sex him up. Ricky realizes that Burke sucks at his job. Jack sucks at driving if he was behind the wheel of that crash. Apparently Fayed has a GPS receiver up his ass because that's the only way they could find him. Jack comes to life like he's still in Flatliners and it was all a ruse. Milo starts to realize that we've got a love triangle developing. Maybe it would help the undercover agents' credibility if they didn't speak english all the time with their terrorist buddy.

10:27 - 10:37 The ambassador of mystery nation has warped over to the not-so-secure bunker. Wayne to ambassador: bend over and lube up. Wayne then decides to rehash season 2 more thoroughly and wants to pull a Sayed Ali on the captured general's family while calling muslims barbaric. Well that got interesting. The love triangle starts fucking with shit already - paging Days of our Lives and their evil monkey. More stormy looks all around.

10:41 - 10:47 Nadia realizes something is wrong, thus redeeming Muslims as intelligence agents. We already had Yusuf from season 2 for that you fuckers. Maybe CTU should invest in tunnel piercing satellites some day since it's only fucked them, what 18 times? How awesome would it be if this was under the same tunnel as Prison Break? Jack and Mahone team up with Linc and Michael to fuck shit up. And then Kellerman can help out!

10:51 - 10:59 Wayne needs House to treat him with dangerous injections instead of this pussy doctor. Does anyone know what downtown LA ever did to terrorists? Because they seriously fucking hate it. Whatever the city has done, it must be 10 times worse than franchising a Satriale's Pork Store in Mecca. Oh hello, Jack shoots people, people shoot at Jack. As always, the "at" is key. Jack goes feral on Fayed and jacks him up, sadistically killing him by hanging. So what now - are the two suitcase nukes missing? Even Ricky thinks Jack went too far, and this is a guy who derives sexual pleasure from pain. Please tell me this isn't Kim on the phone. Hey look its Audrey, I guess this won't be the plot of the movie. Evil Chinese dude has her! Somewhere in LA for no apparent reason! Time to make Jack go rogue again. And this time, its personal. Again.