INSERT SEMI-WITTY TITLE HERE: 11:00PM - 12:00PM (LIVE)

Holy crap, I managed to demagnetize my hotel key while doing laundry and realized it with 2 minutes to spare. Sure I got some odd looks sprinting down the hallways to the front desk, but I managed to make it before the "next week on Drive" was over. Talk about real-time shit going down....

Not drunk this week, but still bored. Sporadic updates to follow:

11:00 - 11:11pm Previously on OH GET ON WITH IT, Audrey is being held by Snidely Whiplash, the evil mustache twirling Chinese intelligence guy. I hear he's tied her to some train tracks and the train is coming around the bend! Actually he wants some thingamajig from the snuke so that China can access all of Russia's military info. Gee, that little suitcase sure packs a punch. And don't these CTU people know to never celebrate? Something bad always happens. Jack gets Chloe's attention by sending her a picture of his balls ala Cartman. In other news, the Prez wants to go back to the oval office to tell the country that the threat is over. Boy will he sure look stupid when Russia launches on the US!

11:15 - 11:25pm Wayne certainly just bitch slapped VP Daniels while asking for his resignation. Jesus, you'd think a guy who could barely stand a few minutes ago would have a harder time gathering the stones to stare down a raging Powers Boothe. And guess what, Morris is a paranoid computer nerd - how did Chloe not think of that?! Sending Jack shit from his computer will probably not work out too well. Just give Morris a drink or a lap dance or something. Jack is now going all Splinter Cell again, this never ends up well for the random agents/soldiers whom he drags in to his schemes. Well in this case I'm apparently wrong, as Ricky Schroeder crashes the party and manages to out-charm Jack, forcing the soldiers to knock Mr. Bauer the fuck out. I'd just like to take this moment to ask what the hell is up with former SecDef Heller? Didn't we find out that he was in intensive care after his attempted/forced suicide? Did he manage to survive intensive care? And if so, how did he not send some shady black ops crew to scour China for both Jack and Audrey? I DEMAND ANSWERS.

11:29 - 11:34pm Jack shakes off getting hit in the head with a rifle the way he shakes off going into cardiac arrest while being tortured. He uses his one call to try and convince the Prez to go along with his harebrained scheme. If he knows what's good for him he'll agree to any and all demands. Jack uses a pretty good argument that doubles as the understatement of the series after "this is the longest day of my life" and "we are running out of time": "Mr. President: You. Owe. Me." Of course Wayne melts when Jack volunteers that he'll blow himself up with c4 in order to take out the Whatever Device if he fails. Jesus, if every President let his own emotions and family debts influence his policies to the degree that the Palmer brothers have ... oh, wait.

11:38 - 11:47pm Jack breaks down the situation to Ricky like this: "Two things are going to happen when i hear from you that Audrey is safe: I'm going to destroy that circuit board and Cheng Zhi isn't going to make it out alive." Sweet, because you know somehow he is going to top lynching Fayed. Somehow. Meanwhile, it's sad that Chloe and Morris are probably the most functional CTU couple now that Michelle and Tony are dead. And that's saying a lot. Anyway, did Cheng stow Audrey aboard the same plane that he flew Jack from China in? Jack claims that "I don't mix relationships with my job." One, I hope Nadia didn't hear that - it might solve the soap opera plot before it gets to really shine! Oh, and Two - I'll let Ron Franklin handle this one: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Jack, all you do is make everything personal. Moving on. I think Daniels might be a little suspicious of his chief of staff. Or not, because apparently they are boning. Wayne gives an upliftingly short press conference. The Prez mixes up a reporters name. Uh oh, is he going to collapse or something? Now he's stumbling over words - Daniels might want to hold off on that resignation. And there we go, Wayne finishes stroking out and collapses. Folks, I think we have brain damage.

11:50something, I missed it again - 12:00pm Daniels decides he should probably take over now. Boy, Tom sure is fucked. Hey look, we get another 25th amendment invocation! First on the agenda is screwing Jack's mission over. Incidentally, Daniels and his chief of staff give each other a look like "Say, where do they keep those cigars in this here office?" Morris gets the bump over Chloe since Buchanan finally realizes that she will do anything Jack asks. Especially if a picture of his balls is involved. Yet again, someone who is supposed to bring Jack in manages to bungle the job. This time Ricky gets to warn: "You can't go against the White House." Again, have any of these people ever actually watched 24?