6:00 PM - 7:00 PM "IT'S JUST WORLD WAR III! WHAT'S THE RUSSIA?"

6:02 President Logan arrives at CTU and is greeted by the obligatory awkward glances and stares from CTU employees. Any time someone returns from the dead (Jack) or prison (Nina), they must take the CTU Walk of Shame.

6:03 Chloe enters Logan’s holding cell to set the transcript codes for the debrief. She introduces herself. “I’m just Chloe O’Brien. I’m feeling a little ambivalent.” Classic Chloe.

6:04 Bill introduces the team to Agent Mike Doyle, the new head of Field Ops. Obviously Milo and Doyle have a history. I mean, why wouldn’t they butt heads? Does anyone at CTU ever like each other? Can you imagine this place’s Christmas parties? Cue awkward standing around and brooding. “So, nice job uploading those vectors during that whole suitcase nuke thing. Who’s up for some eggnog?”

6:05 Vasili kicks Jack down a flight of stairs at the Consulate. That tumble must have broken his ribs. While Vasili hesitates to kill him and chats it up with Markov, Jack pulls the dead dude’s belt off and snaps the gun from his hand. Jack is now being cornered in the Russian consulate. But he always finds a good ventilation system to hide in when he needs one.

6:06 As Jack is calling Morris to give him in the info, Markov shuts down the DSL and phone lines. Jack decides to set the mood by dimming the lights in the Consulate.

6:08 Logan tries to help Bill with the Russian Consulate situation and suggests that Martha call the Suvarovs because of her close relationship with them. Bill mentions that she’s been “institutionalized.” Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

6:10 Saucy Aussie that he is, Morris gives Doyle a little lip. Doyle does what every character and viewer has wanted to do all season -- chokes Morris. Wow, Doyle is such a dick. And Ricky Schroder should cut his hair if he wants to be taken seriously as a CTU agent. And when did Schroder age so much? Are those wrinkles? I guess working with a blowhard like Dennis Franz for two years will do that to you.

6:11 Milo defends Morris and effectively ends their pissing match over who Chloe likes seeing movies with more. And starts a new one with Doyle.

6:12 Vice President Daniels meets with Lennox. Lennox agrees that the priority is to protect the country and will look the other way regarding the assassination plot – to a point. Lennox wants Reed and Carson prosecuted afterward. I knew I would wind up liking Lennox. But Daniels asks him to lie to the Ambassador about Assad’s involvement in the assassination. Sheesh! Where did the writers ever come up with the idea that Vice-Presidents are such pure evil? I mean, that’s … just … ridiculous.

6:15 Daniels tells Tom that he’s going to threaten the Ambassador’s Muslim Country X with a nuclear attack.

6:20 TIME CHECK! Fayed finally arrives in Shadow Valley with Gredenko. Fayed left L.A. at 2:00 in the afternoon and arrives approximately four hours later. Gredenko left L.A. at 3:30 and arrived at 4:15 – in 45 minutes. So it takes one guy four hours and another 45 minutes? Did I miss something? Did Gredenko take a chopper? Anyway, Fayed tells Gredenko to begin arming the bombs.

6:22 Aaron Pierce arrives at Meadowcreek, a private retreat for the wealthy undergoing emotional convalescence, to visit Martha. He’s picked up some raspberries, blackberries and kiwis from Mel’s. Martha seductively pops one of the raspberries into Aaron’s mouth. Hot raspberry action on 24? Totally not cool.

6:23 Logan calls and Aaron picks up, answering “Martha Logan’s Bungalow.” Man, I wish I lived in a bungalow. But that doesn’t mean I can’t start answering my phone “Johnny’s Bungalow.”

6:24 Gee, this is kinda awkward, seeing as how Logan killed Aaron’s former boss President Palmer, then tried having him killed, and almost killed Martha too. And now Aaron’s dating Martha. “This week on a very special episode of 24 …”

6:25 Even though she helped save the day last year, Martha is a still a major head case. Logan asks Aaron to convince her to see him. Martha stares creepily out the window for dramatic effect.

6:32 Jack is still sneaking around the basement of the Consulate. How has noone found him yet? And these Russians call themselves security guards … Wow, Jack always finds an unsuspecting English-speaking Russian couple when he needs one. How convenient … But seriously dude, is this really a good time to be playing grab ass with your hot Russian girlfriend? I’m half expecting this chick to be Nina when she turns around.

6:33 Just eight minutes after speaking with her from a CTU holding cell, Logan arrives at Martha’s house. That was a quick trip! Aaron refuses to shake Logan’s hands in one of the series’ better snubs.

6:34 Logan greets Martha with “Martha … You look beautiful.” Awwwwwwkward.

6:35 Logan shows her his electronic bracelet and insists that after she helps, he’ll be going back to “prison.” Martha wins the One-Liner of the Night: “A prison? Is that what you call a 10,000 square foot house with a swimming pool and tennis court?”

6:36 Aaron insists she make the call, and Martha says she needs a drink. Great. The one time we could actually use that lousy drunk Morris, he’s nowhere to be found.

6:42 Daniels meets with the Ambassador and threatens to nuke his country because of Assad’s involvement in the assassination attempt, despite Palmer’s previous understanding with him. Give this guy a heart condition and slap a pair of glasses and bald wig on him, and he is Dick Cheney.

6:44 TIME CHECK! Martha waits to make the call because Anya is in the middle of a speech in Russia. Um, in the middle of a speech? At 4:44 in the morning, Moscow time? Do they give public speeches at 4:44 in the morning in Russia? Moscow is ten hours ahead of L.A. Shouldn’t the Suvarovs be in bed? Or maybe be eating breakfast? This pisses me off immensely. Gotcha, 24! Gotcha!

6:45 Martha asks Charles if it bothers him to see her with another man. Martha then begins frantically chopping up a kiwi and gets “stirred up,” calling Logan a murderer. After Logan tells Aaron that he’s happy that Aaron has been there for her, Martha begins throwing kiwi at him. Like a monkey. Hilarious.

6:48 As Martha gets up to walk back to the kitchen, she jams a Cutco knife into Logan’s neck, probably hitting an artery. Gee, Aaron’s Secret Service skills sure are rusty, aren’t they? Didn’t he see that his crazy-ass girlfriend had a sharp knife? Even I saw that! Come on, Aaron! Ever heard of foreshadowing? Geez.

6:53 Logan is rushed out of house on a stretcher as he goes into shock. As Aaron explains what happened, Bill listens calmly before his head explodes from disbelief.

6:54 Martha has been handcuffed. She tells Aaron that she “should be given a medal.” Martha really is one big bowl of crazy, isn’t she? Finally, she speaks with Anya Suvarov by phone and convinces her to speak with President Suvarov.

6:56 Suvarov orders Markov to surrender to the Americans and deliver Jack unharmed. After Markov refuses and hangs up on him, Suvarov authorizes the U.S. attack on his own Consulate with Buchanan.

6:57 Twenty minutes after leaving, the Russian dude finally returns with a phone for Jack. Twenty minutes. Seriously, what the hell took so long? Jack begins dialing just as Russian security guards attack. Almost simultaneously, Buchanan orders the go-ahead. Just as Jack runs out of bullets, Doyle and CTU go in guns blazing. Markov calls Gredenko to warn him that CTU will soon know their location, and he must launch the drones.

6:59 Jack’s father Philip, who’s a fugitive on the loose, has not even been mentioned in two hours. Not once. That really gets my goat.

Logan begins flat lining in the ambulance as he calls out Martha’s name.

They cannot end the show this way.

You. Bastards.

6:59:58 … 6:59:59 … 7:00:00 PM (Los Angeles Time)

4:59:58 … 4:59:59 … 5:00:00 AM (Moscow Time)