4:00 PM - 5:00 PM "HEEERE'S CARSON!"

4:03 Gredenko says it will take two hours to assemble the delivery systems and another hour to deliver the payload. So three hours until the rest of these suitcase nukes are put into play? Hey, Gredenko hates Muslims too!

4:04 President Palmer welcomes Ambassador X from unspecified Muslim Country X. The Ambassador gets into a tizzy over the couple thousand people Assad murdered a few years back. Doesn’t he know that holding grudges isn’t healthy?

4:07 Jack asks CTU to set up a five-mile perimeter around the Grandmont Hotel to catch his father in a net. Jack lost track of his father almost nine minutes ago. Shouldn’t he have called Bill immediately after talking to Logan? What has he been doing?

Bill asks Jack, “How the hell did you trace this to Logan?” and proceeds to crap his pants.

Bill tells Jack that Logan brokered a closed-door deal that covered up his involvement in the terrorist plot two years ago. Logan is currently under house arrest in his Hidden Valley Ranch – also a delicious dressing.

4:08 Jack and Marilyn play kissy face before he ships them back off to the hornet’s nest that is CTU. Always a good decision. I’m sure they’ll be fine there. Jack also promises Josh that he’ll explain everything when all this is over. You know, about how he’s his real dad and everything.

Marilyn thanks Jack for everything, and the two have perhaps the worst dialogue exchange in the show’s recent history.

MARILYN: Thank you. Thank you for saving my son.

JACK: He reminds me of you. You can see it in his eyes.

Well, he is her son, Jack. That would make sense. Jack then gently caresses her face. There is no caressing on 24! No stroking, cuddling, or embracing – nothing in the “caressing” family. Son of a bitch! What are we watching? Days Of Our Lives?

4:09 Reed meets Bruce Carson at the bunker’s security check point. Boy, Secret Service does a real thorough search of this dude’s briefcase. “Hmmm, let’s see here. Well, this yellow Hi-Liter seems to be working just fine. Doesn’t look like it’ll be running out of ink any time soon. And yes, Test 1, 2, 3. This tape recorder’s batteries seem to be working properly. Won’t need to be needing to make a Staples run, I suppose. Very well, sir. On your way …”

4:10 Reed insists that Carson begin making the bomb in the boiler room. Carson is more preoccupied with staging Lennox’s death, but Reed assures him that Lennox will be back on board once the Vice-President assumes power. What a schmuck.

4:17 After telling an aide that Lennox is in a meeting downstairs, Reed makes the old “Conference B” mistake. Stepped right into that one.

4:18 Morris is soooo wasted. I mean, he can’t even track the traveling vectors back to the subnet. And he totally specified the wrong slot assignment on the SIP adapter. What a drunk …

Morris suggests that every CTU workstation have a Breathalyzer to check agents’ blood alcohol levels. You know, at CTU, that might not be a bad idea.

4:19 With Milo no longer available to complain, Nadia begins yet another round of tedious and boring CTU bureaucratic musical chairs. Chloe leaves a message for Morris’ sponsor Jeannie to call her back.

4:21 Jack meets Logan at his Hidden Valley Ranch. Logan claims that he’s “not the same man he was two years ago” and has “reconnected with his faith.” Logan insists he can help by contacting Russian Consul General Anatoly Markov.

4:29 Jack asks Palmer to grant Logan temporary furlough. Palmer calls Logan a criminal and mentions that he killed his brother two years ago.

4:30 Logan gets in the line of the night: “This isn’t easy for you, is it Jack?” The possibility that I may not be the same man you hated for so long.”

4:31 Gredenko inspects the U.S. military aerial drones that will drop the bombs on their targets.

4:32 Bill relieves Morris of his duties in the conference room. Morris makes drunkenly stirring, slurring speech that changes Bill’s mind. Nadia publicly disagrees with Bill – because her own father was an alcoholic! Okay, I just made that up, but I’m sure this will come up eventually.

4:34 Reed returns after once again dodging questions about Lennox’s whereabouts. Carson tells Reed, “You can’t go soft on us now.” Smock and Grossman immediately begin giggling at their joke. “That’s what Hillary Swank said.”

4:39 Nadia digs her heels in about Morris over some fucking paperwork. Chloe once again questions Morris, who responds with his trademark charming sarcasm: “Just had a couple of beers, love. Didn’t know that would be a problem.”

4:41 Logan picks out his wardrobe for his return from exile. Nice tie selection. Ahhh yes, the obligatory American flag lapel pin. He looks at himself in the mirror and starts reciting Bible verses. This is getting creepy.

4:42 Jack puts a tie on for the first time in three and a half years after working for the DOD. It’s nice to see him getting himself cleaned up.

4:43 Chloe gets a call from Jeannie, who says she hasn’t spoken to Morris in three years since leaving AA. Chloe busts into the men’s room and interrupts Morris in a “Flank 2 position.”

4:44 Morris explains that Jeannie hasn’t been his sponsor in years and that he has a new one. So why did he have her number in his phone if she’s not his sponsor anymore? Odd. Once Chloe leaves the bathroom, Morris empties out the rest of his bottle of scotch.

4:46 Lennox tells Reed to bug off by telling him, “I was against you from the start.”

4:47 Carson finishes assembling the bomb by pouring liquids from the Hi-Liters into his tape recorder. Great, now we won’t be able to take Hi-Liters on planes now. Way to go, 24.

4:54 Reed looks like a rat creeping around the bunker. Can’t the Secret Service agents and military officials detect creepiness? Reed hides the cassette explosive underneath the podium.

4:56 Assad and Palmer share some friendly last words. Can’t you see Osama and George exchanging pleasantries? This is how you know the show takes place in Fantasyland.

4:57 Lennox tries to increase the pressure valves in the boiler room before being caught by Carson.

4:58 Just before Reed activates the bomb, Assad screams “Bomb!” and Wayne ducks down while Assad gets blown to smithereens. Assad is definitely dead, Wayne will make it but he’s going to be out of commission for a few episodes. Daniels will most likely assume control for a couple of hours before Wayne gets put back in charge

4:58:58 … 4:58:59 … 5:00:00.