9:00 PM - 10:00 PM "GREDENKO GETS OUT OF ARM'S WAY"

Yes, the posts' titles are getting worse every week. There are only so many puns to be made from the words "bomb," "nuke," and "Russia." But until Smock declares me unfit to write these recaps and usurps my power with a 25th Amendment proceeding, I will soldier on.

9:02 Lennox assembles the Cabinet to invoke the 25th Amendment. Boy, President Palmer sure is a quick dresser. Two minutes and he’s out of his hospital gown and into a suit and tie. Impressive work. Wayne refuses his wheelchair, arguing, “I don’t want to look weak!” Mmmmm, foreshadowing. He then asks for an adrenaline shot.

9:03 Jack updates Bill. Bill updates Jack.

9:04 Wayne limps into the conference room and meets with the Cabinet, officially breaking the 24 record for quickest, most miraculous recovery from a horrific injury, edging out previous record holder Tony Almeida’s Season 3 gunshot to the jugular.

9:05 The doctor testifies to the Cabinet that he believes the “greatest danger has passed.” I concur. The White House bunker was just bombed, and the President was almost assassinated. What else could go wrong?

9:06 Wayne addresses the Cabinet. Daniels addresses the Cabinet. I address my need to urinate. Thanks for the last two-hour recap, fellas. I remember. I was there.

Daniels menacingly says, “I’m afraid that Wayne Palmer’s actions are the proof in this matter … that indeed he is unable to discharge his duties.” Cue dramatic music. What else did we think he was going to say?

9:09 Lennox calls for the Cabinet to take a recess and reconvene for a vote in ten minutes. I can barely stand the tension.

9:13 Milo asks Nadia if there’s been any word on the Cabinet vote. Word travels fast among government agencies, doesn’t it? It’s been four minutes, and we have low-level intelligence agents discussing what just happened in the White House bunker among the Cabinet.

9:14 Milo and Nadia discuss “the other thing.” Milo then promises Nadia, “I’m not going to forget about the kiss, and I don’t think you are either.” But we have, Milo.

9:15 Doyle calls Nadia up to his office. Yay! Just what I was hoping for – more bureaucratic squabbling! Just what the show needs to get back on track.

9:16 Doyle informs Nadia that the terrorists were able to access CTU’s system because Milo screwed up and logged the wrong security parameters. So he’s asking Nadia to covertly check Milo’s computer to help Milo save face and drum up possible conflict? Forget about the suitcase nukes. The greatest threat to Southern California is CTU boring all of Los Angeles to death.

9:17 The Cabinet vote results in a 7-7 tie, keeping Wayne in office. But Daniels claims Karen was never reinstated as National Security Advisor, so her vote doesn’t count. The Attorney General suggests reconvening the Supreme Court from their afternoon session – at 12:30 in the middle of the night. Good thing the Supreme Court has experience deciding contested elections …

9:24 Nadia fools Milo into checking her computer, while she gets on his computer and discovers that he didn’t refresh the security parameters. Doyle alters the log so that Division will never know Milo fucked up. I continue not giving a shit.

9:26 Doyle inexplicably quotes the Koran and reveals to us that he’s read the Bible, the Torah, and The Secret, but that he still hasn’t found the answers he’s looking for. Doyle really needs to start watching Oprah.

9:27 Milo looks back at Nadia and knows something is going on. Honestly, does anyone care? Please someone out there post a comment to let me know that there is one tortured soul in this universe that gives a flying fuck about Milo or Nadia … By the way, Chloe and Morris have all but disappeared – and that’s not a complaint.

9:28 Karen calls Bill to update him on the Washington situation. Bill reassures Karen that “Daniels hasn’t got a case and the Supreme Court will agree.” How the hell did Bill know that the decision had gone to the Supreme Court? Bill and Karen miss each other and whatnot and so on and so forth. (More filler.)

9:29 Gredenko’s attorney verifies his immunity agreements. Gredenko’s attorney? Johnnie Cochran.

9:30 Arguments must be submitted to the Supreme Court in writing in ten minutes. That’s right. Apparently, the Supreme Court has convened – in 13 minutes – and decided that statements must be presented. Sandra says that Daniels’ actions prove their case. I still hate her.

9:32 Lisa suggests that she swear an affidavit that Daniels instructed her to inform Karen Hayes that he had no intention of reinstating her. Daniels agrees and gently takes Lisa’s hand. Finally, the writers get around to addressing yet another problem this season – not enough characters playing kissy face.

9:34 Fayed drops off the suitcase nukes before meeting Gredenko at the Santa Monica Pier.

9:35 Less than three minutes after their conversation took place, Lennox reveals that he installed a micro-transmitter in the conference room and has a recording of Daniels and Lisa conspiring to commit perjury. Apparently, Lennox is just sitting in his office listening to a live feed at all times. This is the single stupidest twist of the season so far.

9:41 Sandra enters with news that Daniels dropped his challenge to the presidency. Wayne instructs Karen to address the Cabinet. Why does Karen act like his Chief of Staff all the time? She’s the National Security Advisor. This really bothers me.

9:42 Jack plants a transmitter on Gredenko and injects an isotope in his arm to track his movements. I can’t believe 24 is using the same pier they used in The O.C. Jack and Gredenko should stop in at the diner for some late-night pancakes and a romantic ride on the Ferris wheel.

9:44 Jack trails Gredenko, who’s grabbed by two of Fayed’s henchmen. Gredenko tells Fayed that he’s being tracked and that there’s only one way to escape.

9:46 Jack discovers Gredenko’s arm and picks up his blood trail. Jack always seems to find a blood trail when he needs one.

9:54 Gredenko rats outs Fayed inside a bar of rowdy drunks. After kicking him in the head, Jack apprehends Fayed, but Gredenko has escaped.

9:55 Wayne is starting to look rabid. This can’t be good. He demands his doctor give him yet another adrenaline shot. Who does he think he is? Jack Bauer?

9:56 Bill updates Wayne and informs him that they still don’t know where the last two nukes are. Wayne ominously says that’s all he needed to know.

9:57 Gredenko slowly dies in an especially artsy death scene for such a marginal villain. Moonlight under the pier with waves crashing down upon his lifeless corpse. What is this? A student film?

9:58 Karen asks Lennox to declare a truce, but he refuses to reveal what forced Daniels to withdraw his suit.

9:59 Lennox gets a call that the President is going through with the nuclear strike.

LENNOX: “This makes no sense!”

If only he could tell the writers that …

9:59:58 … 9:59:59 … 10:00:00.